You might think: I’ve done everything right… I’ve locked my doors, I have security lights and an alarm system, and I pay attention to everything going on around me. What went wrong? How could this happen to me?!
And yet, you have become the victim of a crime.
Even if you did everything right… you still did nothing to encourage your own victimization. If it wasn’t you, it would have been someone else.
There are many theories about how and why crime happens, but the basic rule is the person or people that did this to you do not abide by the same set of morals or values you do.
The best advice I can give is: Do not try to “understand” what happened or why.
Instead, focus on your next steps.
Find safe people to confide in about this crime. Be selective with those you choose. Some will blame you, some will tell you to “forgive,” and some will just disappear. You need to figure out what you need for healing and regaining your sense of control. Very few will be able to answer these questions for you, but you are not alone in your feelings.
This is a life changing event for you. You can never go back to before this happened or un-experience the crime. Everything will now have the filter of your crime in your life. How do you manage this experience? Where can you go for help?
Counselors, the religious community, victim centers, police, or prosecution social workers are all available.
You know what works and what doesn’t for dealing with stressful events in your life. What might work this time also? Or is it time to try something new? Be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself for all the everyday things that seem overwhelming. You have been through a lot that you and others might not understand.
You are grieving the loss of your sense of safety, control, maybe order. Pick any phrase that works and realize the phrase will change as you go through this healing process. You will never be the same again, but you can regain some control. Ask for help and limit those that try to tell you something that does not feel right. Grieving is not a step-by-step process, you will zig-zag and stop and start. All of this is normal.
Are you a helper for someone who has confided in you about a crime? Just listen, sit with silence, do not say “I understand,” or “I’ve been there.” The best way you can help is just be there, and help by seeing to it that the basic needs are being met. Make sure they’re drinking enough water, eating enough food, sleeping enough (but not too much) and avoiding alcohol or drug abuse. Watch for signs of depression, anxiety, and PTSD. Help identify places to get the right help.
Don’t avoid the topic or insist on talking about it. Just be as normal as you can and let the person you’re with ask for what is needed. If you find yourself “needing” to talk about it, find a helper for yourself. Any trauma can affect many in all different kind of ways. You can ask for help from many of the same types of places listed above.
If you are dealing with your own trauma or have been triggered by this event, get the help you need.
A victim is always someone else… until it’s not.
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