No more. No more. No more.

In my box of treasured possessions there is a card from a woman I will surely never meet: the mother of Olivia Engel, who was a six-year-old student killed in the Sandy Hook massacre in 2012.

As a parent, Sandy Hook was the worst mass shooting tragedy I could have imagined. After the dust settled, I sent letters to every family that lost loved ones at Sandy Hook, and the school's administrators graciously delivered them to the families. I told them they were not alone in their grief. I never expected a response, but Olivia's mother sent a card with a photo of her beloved daughter, smiling, in a beautiful dress on a sunny day. It was weeks - maybe months - after the shootings so it took a minute before I realized what I had in my hand. Then I cried.  

One month ago, a dude with a lot of guns killed 58 people in Las Vegas, then he killed himself. Last week another dude entered a Wal-Mart in Denver and started shooting, killing three people. Then, yesterday, Nov. 5, yet another dude entered a Texas church and killed 26 people and wounded a lot more, then he killed himself. 

Yesterday, when I saw another mass shooting appear in my AP news alerts, I was not shocked. In fact, it barely registered, emotionally speaking. A full 24 hours later, it hit me: 26 people died in the Sandy Hook shootings in 2012, and 26 people died in the Sutherland Springs shootings five years later. To the second, I had almost no emotional reaction. I got a chill down the side of my face as this realization took hold.

And then I got mad. 

I got mad because although mass shootings are outrageous to me, my mind has been confronted with so many of these tragedies it believes they are part of normal everyday life. It's simple behavioral science: we cannot continue to be exposed to the same stimuli over and over again for years on end and expect to have equal reactions every time. I am not okay with this. I am ashamed. 

I got mad because all life is precious, and each life lost to these stupid losers and their stupid guns is a waste. 

I got mad because when I go to any public gathering, I find myself checking the rafters and making sure I know the closest exits and best hiding places. I am tired of feeling powerless to do anything to protect my family and myself. I feel like a sitting duck.

I got mad because we have state representatives, senators, and presidents that moan about gun policy and never do anything worth mentioning to reduce the number of automatic weapons in our communities. We can't even write and call our representatives to make a difference, because half of them get campaign contributions from the NRA, which, by the way, still doesn't pay any taxes because it's a nonprofit. 

I got mad because we - YES, WE - have allowed this one sentence written more than 200 years ago: a well-regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed, to mean a bunch of freaking psychos can buy unlimited numbers of automatic weapons and stockpile ammunition for these literal WAR MACHINES right in our communities. There is no other purpose for an automatic weapon but to kill as many people as possible, as quickly as possible. 

I got mad because it seems like we as a country never learn. It has been FIVE YEARS since the Sandy Hook shooting, the death of Olivia Engel, 19 other elementary school kids, and six teachers and NOTHING HAS CHANGED. Heaven knows what kind of death could have been prevented had we done something, anything, about gun control 18 YEARS AGO after the Columbine High School shooting. 

Then I got mad because realized I have already forgotten so many tragedies and victims. This is a listing of all of the U.S. mass shootings since 1982 and number of fatalities compiled by Mother Jones and updated every five minutes. Like me, I'll bet you've never heard of most of these or, if you have, you've forgotten them already. Hopefully it will get your blood boiling again. Seeing it like this makes me sick. 

Finally, I got mad because I realized a lot of Americans - including those we've chosen to represent our interests in Washington, D.C. - care more about the right to bear arms than they do about our right to life.

We need to do something, and we need to do it now, because this problem is not going away. 

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Las Vegas Massacre, October 1, 2017

Add cPeople run from the Route 91 Harvest country music festival
after apparent gun fire was heard on October 1, 2017 in
Las Vegas, Nevada. © David Becker / Getty Images / AFPaption

I was awake at 2 a.m. finishing my blog post for Book 161 when I saw the first reports of a shooting that had killed 20 people in Las Vegas. I thought, Vegas? This can't happen in Vegas. I've been to Vegas. Cops are on every corner. But it did. And it came from above. And it was really, really bad. 

By the time I got to work the confirmed death toll had risen from 20 to 50, and the wounded had risen from 100 to over 400. By noon, the 58 were dead, and more than 500 were injured. I am absolutely wrecked, and I know the city of Las Vegas will never be the same. 

We always ask the questions when this kind of thing happens. Who was the shooter? Did he have connections to terrorist groups? What were his motives? Were there warning signs that were ignored? Did anyone interview his neighbors, relatives, and friends? And even when the answers come (sometimes immediately, sometimes more slowly), we don't feel safe or whole. We feel vulnerable, and we know we could very well be next. 

Then, as if it's helpful, legislators speak out about bad gun control policies. "This crisis could have been averted if we had a 10-month waiting period." "Bullets should be taxed at a premium." "The hotel should have had a metal detector." "Politicians should not accept campaign contributions from the NRA." So we say all of this and do some things about it, and yet, the next month, the same thing happens again, in a different city. We scramble around, trying to find more reasons, more systems that failed, and work to repair them, after the fact. But it just. keeps. happening. 

We are missing something huge here: a lack of familial and community vigilance. People are becoming more isolated as others are consumed by the day to day business of life. There are no warning signs to be seen because the most deranged individuals hide right under our noses. They emerge from the shadows when it's their time to kill, and no one is the wiser. Then they strike. Then we are shocked, and we talk to the police and the media and say, "He was quiet. He didn't bother anybody. We cannot believe this violent person lived right next to us." The shooter's sister says, "Yeah, he was weird, but we didn't expect this. He seemed fine when I saw him last year."

Certain types of animals - especially those in herds - recognize that sick or injured animals are a threat to their larger communities. While some care for one another, nursing weaker members back to health, others forcefully separate the sick or injured from the herd, leaving them to survive or die on their own. In animal communities, when something goes wrong with one of their members, they know it. And they take action - one way or another - to protect themselves.

All of our societal advances are for nothing if we don't open our eyes and see that our isolation from one another is a weakness, not a strength. Within our families and communities we must identify and care for those who are mentally unstable or emotionally unsound, before they become a danger to themselves or others.

October 10th is #WorldMentalHealthDay, and mental health is a topic I am passionate about. I had planned to publish something about recognizing your own issues before they get out of control, and not being ashamed to talk to someone when you think you need help. I had planned to write about checking in on your neighbors and keeping tabs on your less than social family members. I had planned to discuss stigma in our society and how it reduces our ability to effectively treat those suffering from mental health issues. Looks like the only thing I'll be posting on #WorldMentalHealthDay is information on how to get help.

R.I.P., Las Vegas victims. I'll be looking for ways to help remotely.

💔💔💔

#Stoptheviolence