When it’s Time to Change by Stephen Moegling (Guest Blogger)

Your job. The relationship that’s a dead end. That boss who seems to delight in your suffering. Stepping on the scale and seeing the number go up, not down. When it’s time to change, our minds often need to catch up to our hearts. Our minds like to be practical. We come up with loads of reasons why now isn’t the right time to change. But we have to change. I’ve learned the hard way that change is hard. In the last five years, I’ve lost 70 pounds. Gotten a divorce. Gotten remarried. Sold the shares of a company where I was an owner and had worked at for 18 years. Then joined a new company 1,300 miles from my home. That’s a whole lot of change, not including losing my father to cancer and also grieving the loss of my mother-in-law. Change can be chaotic, messy, and stressful. I’ve also learned that change can be transformational. I want to share with you five steps for making lasting change that can help you with the changes you seek, with as few setbacks as possible. Step 1. Write down what you don’t want. Most of us don’t know exactly what we want from our change. For example, when I set out to lose weight, I didn’t know I wanted to lose 70 pounds. I just knew I needed to get healthier. Only later in my journey, as I got more experience and clarity with my physical health I had clarity on the weight and body composition I wanted. That’s why I recommend starting by writing down the things you don’t want in your life. You’re acutely aware already of what you don’t want, hence your soul’s encouragement to change. Later on, you’ll have more clarity to name the things you do want for yourself, including the feelings you want to experience. Step 2. Name the feelings you want to experience more. We do things for the feelings we want to experience. As you reinvent your life with the changes you seek to make, name those feelings you want to experience more often, such as:

• Feelings of peace, hope, equanimity
• Feelings of joy, gratitude, happiness
• Feelings of confidence, security, ambition

Use these feelings and states as guideposts for your decision-making and the process of working through your changes. Step 3. When you have a setback, have a meeting with yourself. I’ve made a lot of changes in my life and I have failed, failed, failed so many times. I used to beat myself up when I ordered the pizza instead of kale salad when I am working to change my scale weight. But beating ourselves up makes changing so much more difficult, if not impossible. Now when I fail, I call a meeting with myself. I invite my higher self (the wise, long-term thinker part of me) to have a meeting with the part of me that keeps getting in my own way. The meeting often goes like this: Higher Self Stephen: “Hey friend. You know that drinking a bottle of wine by yourself isn’t going to help you lose weight.” Lower Self Stephen: “Yeah, you’re right. But it was a Friday night. The weather was awesome. And I just kept pouring myself another glass of Cab until I realized I had drained the bottle.” Higher Self Stephen: “If you keep doing that, will you achieve your weight loss goals?” Lower Self Stephen: “No…” Higher Self Stephen: “So…” Lower Self Stephen: “Okay, wiser version of myself. No wine until I hit my weight loss goals.” Higher Self Stephen: “And…” Lower Self Stephen: “And after that, I’ll assign myself one drinking pass every month. That way I can enjoy my Cab without turning an occasional night of fun into a consistent pattern.” Higher Self Stephen: “Good strategy, dude.” Step 4. Learn and share with others. As much as I try to learn from my wiser, higher self, I know I’m toast if I only seek counsel from myself. For any meaningful change to stick, I have to seek the counsel of others who have faced similar challenges and succeeded. I also have to have a support system to share my feelings. As you change and transform yourself, you will someday be a support to others who seek change. Step 5. The final step is to take a step. Momentum is what powers our souls. Get early wins by taking small steps, one at a time. And the farther down the path we go, the clearer the path to transformation appears. “Before” and “After” photos are inspiring but deceiving. Between those photos is a whole lot of messy stuff. But in that messy stuff lies transformation.

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Stephen helps people to grow their businesses and live abundant lives. In his career, he has helped his clients to achieve $1 billion in revenue. Stephen works for Hailey Sault, a healthcare marketing and branding firm with offices in Duluth, Manhattan, and Richmond. Stephen writes a Friday email series called “Pass the Wine” to share insights and strategies for having abundant businesses and living an abundant life. Sign up here.

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This blog post was curated and/or edited by The Ardent Reader, Esther Hofknecht Curtis, BSOL, MSM-HCA. The views expressed in this blog post are those of the guest blogger. Visit Esther's page at www.parrotcontent.com for more information.

5 Positive Things Resilient Moms Should Tell Their Children After Divorce by Antoinette Capri (Guest Blogger)

Congratulations!

You made it.
You're finally finished with the paperwork, parent classes, hard decisions and fees.
You've received your final divorce decree.

You’re a resilient mom!

Now what?
What do you do when the fight for your freedom is over?

Get clear!

Clear your head and your spirit.  Grow in your understanding and your truth. Get clear with yourself and with your children.

When I say get clear with yourself, I mean practice self-care.
Self-care that encourages you.
Self-care that inspires you.
Self-care that makes sure you’re moving FORWARD!

For example, Ask yourself questions such as:
"What do I really like to do?"
"What are my true desires?"
"Where do I want to be in the next 3 years?"
"Am I as healthy as I need to be?"
"What inspires me?"

Now… record your answers in a journal.

Afterwards, it's time to concern yourself with the stability of your children.

Resilient Moms understand that divorce can be very tricky.

It can make you feel as free as a bird and yet, as broken as shattered glass.

So, if divorce makes YOU feel like this, don't you think there is a strong possibility that your children feel the same way?

Just in case they do:

Here are 5 positive things resilient moms should tell their children after divorce:

1. It's not your fault.
Your children should know that there was nothing that they could have done better or different to change the outcome of the divorce. It was a decision made by the parents and is the responsibility of the parents, not the children.

2. Life has constant changes.
Change happens every day. Some change is good, some change is bad. The best way to handle change is by telling yourself the truth and being prepared for anything to happen. Being prepared means to practice ways to turn negative situations into positive outcomes. For example, the weather changes daily, so we keep an umbrella close… just in case it rains. That’s being prepared. So, in life, do the same thing.

3. You matter!
Your children should know how important they are to the family and to their purpose. They need to feel as though their thoughts, feelings and ideas are valued.  Show them how important they are by allowing them to share heart-felt feelings with you, while you share your unbiased feelings with them. Sharing is caring & healthy growth in your relationships.

4. You are loved!
Don’t just tell them you love them - SHOW IT!  Be generous with your affection toward your children, so they feel your love hasn't gone away with the divorce. I believe when we’re free from the pressures of the divorce, we’re also free to love in a deeper, stronger way with the children.

5. Live on Purpose
Let your children know that their life was given for a purpose and only they can learn what that purpose will be. Your divorce doesn’t change their ability to grow, love, and create new things for this world. Let them know that many changes will happen during their lifetime, but what counts is how they grow from each experience.

Overall, heart-felt communication is key to maintaining a healthy, strong & creative relationship with yourself and your children. Divorce can be either a painful experience or a life lesson. If you’re a resilient mom, you learn to make the most out of every difficult situation. Therefore, I believe, every difficult situation that is presented to you in life comes to build character, creativity and courage.

Live Resilient!!

Did you like this? Want me to answer something personally?  Feel free to send questions to ac@antoinettecapri.com or visit www.antoinettecapri.com

Antoinette Capri (also known as Ms. Nikki) is a local author, emotional resilience expert, and founder of Caprii Communications. She hosts public workshops and private sessions on resilience throughout Delaware, Maryland, Pennsylvania, and Virginia.

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This blog post was curated and/or edited by The Ardent Reader, Esther Hofknecht Curtis, BSOL, MSM-HCA. The views expressed in this blog post are those of the guest blogger. Visit her page at www.parrotcontent.com for more information.