Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Thursday, May 31, 2018

Past and Future by Carrie M. Goff (Guest Blogger)

You say I live in the past
That I retell stories of what was
You offer me a future
A golden brick path
Cool, deep rivers of safety
Wild stallion passion
And, I talk of the past

I speak of him too often 
And relive what it was like
To dodge his words slung in anger
I question your motives
I distrust your offerings
I look for the hidden rust
Rot, lies, deceit

I am rendered speechless 
When you are unselfish.
I cannot fully trust
Your promises made so casually
The memory of betrayal
As fresh as a slaughtered animal
The smell of blood still in my nose

How can you understand 
What the light you offer me means
Without hearing about how dim it was?
How can I describe what color means:
Oxblood, Azure, Burnt Sienna, Saffron
Without making you understand
That all I had was ghost, bleached, white?

The burlap sacking that was my bed
Makes the satin sheets you offer
So soothing I could weep.
The bitter herbs that were my sustenance
Prepared my palate for the fare
You so tenderly create with your beautiful hands.
How can you understand if I don’t tell you?

The home I had on the hilltop
Willows, and oaks surrounded
Ponds and fountains.
Hidden, charming, unique
Wasn’t filled with love, but indifference
I roamed the empty rooms devoid of laughter
I’d rather live in a tent with your love.

My ears were covered with bloodied hands
To block out the hate
So, I could hear nothing but muffled echoes
How can you fathom what it was like
The first time you pried away my fingers
And held my face in your hands
And played me a symphony?

The bath you have drawn for me
Scalds every scratch, blister and wound
Invisible to the eye, they still make me wince.
I gingerly slip my bruised and bloodied feet
Into the satin slippers you provide
And accept the cashmere gown
Around my scarred shoulders. 

You cannot understand 
How the warmth of your body
Soaks into my frozen heart
And thaws hidden feelings
The tenderness of your touch
Fires neurons long since forgotten
I come alive under your heartbeat.

I fall into a weightless slumber
Wrapped in your iron arms
The nightmares no longer come
During the daylight or midnight
Sleep no longer holds horrors
I am not afraid to close my eyes
Do you know what you have done for me?

The past holds no bitterness
I don’t retell the stories to garner sympathy.
But, I am like a city child who 
Sees a desert starry sky for the first time.
Someone who has only known walking
Riding the bullet train for the first time.
The utter awe; I must compare. I must tell.

It is said that time heals all wounds
The invisible scars that I can still see
Spiderwebs of blistering nerves
Deformed feet, twisted lips, bloodied eyelids
I walk with a limp, my voice is hoarse
But, when I hold your hand
I am whole.

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Carrie Goff, BBA is an aspiring writer who loves to connect with kindred spirits through words. It is her passion to advocate for the voiceless and forgotten. This poem is dedicated to the women who have escaped abuse and found true love, but do not have the words to express what it means to them. And, dedicated to the men who love them.

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This blog post was curated and/or edited by The Ardent Reader, Esther Hofknecht Curtis, BSOL, MSM-HCA. The views expressed in this blog post are those of the guest blogger. Visit Esther's page at www.parrotcontent.com for more information.

Sunday, May 27, 2018

Real Hope and Change by Ed Hofknecht (Guest Blogger) (Esther's Brother)

Ed and Taniqua at a Hope
Children's Home fundraiser
with a 1920s theme
When my sister asked me to write for her blog, I felt extremely honored that she would think of me. That’s precisely how I should be starting this blog post, but the truth is I am a last minute fill-in and had to offer my literary services as I was not even considered. ;)

I loved the idea of guest bloggers and thought this might be an opportunity to share my Beast writing skills with the world! I offered and there was a drop-out so I jumped at the chance. Thanks, Esther, for the vote of confidence, love you!

I have been reading along this month and have really enjoyed the pieces shared. I especially enjoyed my mother’s origami story. Because I never quite understood why she was so interested in paper folding, this back story shed some light on a part of my mother’s life that otherwise I may have never known.

I would like to tell a short story of how my life has been changed over the past few years. Seven years ago my wife and I were living a basically normal life. We were relative newlyweds, first time parents, and first time home buyers. Our jobs had plenty of upward mobility and promised comfortable salaries in the upcoming years. It seemed we were at the cusp of being able to fulfill the American dream.

Something was missing though; I couldn’t put my finger on it exactly, but could tell it wasn’t there. With this feeling in mind we decided that a change was necessary and indicated that to our bosses. In one year’s time, Taniqua (my lovely wife) would become a stay-at-home-mom, and I would look for work with a larger salary and better benefits. Little did we know, God had other plans for us.

At the time we were attending Cornerstone Baptist Church in Crossville Tennessee, which is an Independent Fundamental Baptist Church. For those of you who don’t speak church, that means we are not affiliated with any larger church organization, and we believe the Bible is the infallible word of God. There are IFBC churches all over the United States, and we send missionaries to all corners of the globe to reach the world for Christ.

Once a year our church holds a missions conference where we spotlight a few potential missionaries and decide whether we will support their mission. That year my schedule was in such a way that I was able to attend one night of the conference.

That night I heard a man preach about how little the average Christian was actually doing for the Lord. This hit me hard, and reminded me of a time years prior when I had a heard a preacher say that if God called someone to work in his service, any other life would amount to nothing more than a miserable existence. I headed to the altar and prayed God would use me any way he saw fit and give me the boldness to follow his plan.

That evening, I could tell that Taniqua had been affected by the sermon as well. As we drove home in silence, I could not stop thinking about the prayer I had offered up and the magnitude of what I had agreed to do.

We were nearly home when I looked over at my wife and said, “I think we are supposed to be missionaries.” She smiled the biggest smile I had ever seen and said, “Good! I thought it was just me being crazy again!” She then told me of a place in Tampa, Florida called Hope Children’s Home. As soon as we got home, we laid the baby down and pulled up their website. There were videos that told the story of the home’s beginnings, its mission “to rescue the next generation” and their needs. Then I clicked a tab that said, Positions Available. 

To make a long story short, in less than a year, we sold nearly everything we owned, paid off all our debt besides our house, and moved nearly 700 miles away from home. We were hired to be boys’ dorm houseparents, a position that involves the day to day care of boys from all walks life.

We have been in this position for six years now and have seen incredible things happen. I have seen firsthand as lives changed in dramatic ways. Little children living in the woods with no bed to sleep on, no meals to look forward to, no life at all speak of, come here and find a place to call home. I’ve seen children so neglected and abused that they can’t even smile or play, and they turn into some of the happiest kids on the planet. I’ve watched as boys grow into men and start their lives in a way that would never have been possible without Hope.

The changes here are incredible but the biggest change I have seen is what God has done in my life. I am in no way perfect, but my way of thinking has been drastically altered. I see God’s grace and mercy everywhere, and I know that He will provide for us when we follow Him. He has taken the selfish, prideful, unforgiving boy that I once was and changed me into a man that understands that but for the grace of God I could be in a situation worse than any of those that come here for help. He has shown me that through prayer and faith, incredible things can be done.

Realizing that this has gone long I want you to know the biggest change I have seen in my life. God has given me a compassion that was once foreign to me. I read news stories almost daily about parents neglecting or abusing their children in horrific ways. I hear stories of parents using their children for self gain at the expense of the little ones’ innocence. The worst may be those that - rather than ask for help - end the lives of their children because they see no way out.

After hearing these, I always find myself asking why? Why couldn’t we have crossed paths? Why wouldn’t you have brought your children to a place like Hope? Why wouldn’t those parents have just given me a chance to give their little ones a chance to live?

If you find yourself in such a position where you feel helpless to do right by your child, I beg you to reach out, find help, find someone, and find hope for your little ones. You can access our website www.hopechildrenshome.org or call (813) 961-1214 to learn more.

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This blog post was curated and/or edited by The Ardent Reader, Esther Hofknecht Curtis, BSOL, MSM-HCA. The views expressed in this blog post are those of the guest blogger. Visit Esther's page at www.parrotcontent.com for more information.

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Saturday, May 26, 2018

When a father smirks by Leah Subar (Guest Blogger)

My father had a smirk. His smirk generally accompanied a statement that accused his subject of being wrong, dishonest, or hypocritical. And the unnerving part was that my father was always right.

Except regarding my life’s path.

I was his youngest child and only daughter. When I became Torah-observant, my father was beside himself. He didn’t understand why I had to do it; why change my life and embrace the ancient traditions his grandparents left behind?  Why spend a full year forging new relationships with old texts and those who adhere?

My decision came not from intellect. It came from my gut, from someplace so deep I couldn’t translate it into words that made sense. I didn’t have reasons; I had feelings. 

And so his smirk told me I didn’t know what I was doing; that I was making the biggest mistake of my life; that I was too afraid of dorm life and enormous study halls and academic pressure and so… just running away from it all.

But I knew my father loved me. It was the way he held my hand; the cadence in his voice when he called my name.

And his love followed me everywhere -- including over the ocean where I eventually set up my home in Israel. But his smirk followed me as well; I was a chronic self-doubter. 

When my youngest child started nursery school I went back to school, too. Eventually, I entered a graduate program and became a dance/movement psychotherapist. Naturally, I shared my career decision with my father -- but not with enough time to fully describe my dream because as it turned out, my father was quite sick. I lost him one week before orientation day.

As a dance therapist, I pay attention to the body -- and especially how the way we hold our bodies contradicts the words we say, or adds a certain nuance. I have a client, for example, who sometimes flicks her nose with her index finger in such a way that seems out of place in sessions and in her real life. After reviewing the videos of our sessions and doing collaborative work with my client, we discovered she flicks her nose whenever she feels threatened; anytime she feels pushed out of her comfort zone. 

And because I video most sessions, not only do I learn about my clients’ use of body -- I learn about my own. 

I discovered I smirk. 

The first time I saw this I was shocked. I recognized that face; it was his. But it was mine. 

I studied more videos  I didn’t smirk with every client; mostly, my smirk surfaced during sessions with one particular client. She was my most challenging one; the one who stretched me to my limits; who forced me to stay on my toes and keep calm; the client who caught all my contradictions and made me wonder why I ever thought I could do this. 

But the precise moment the smirk escaped was usually after I'd made a subtle yet astute comment that served to shake up my client's reality. I smirked whenever I felt I'd come on too strong. My normal expression would disappear and the smirk came to lighten the effect. It came when I wanted her to get my message, but didn't want it to hurt. 

Not every smirk comes to soften; each gesture is delivered within its own context, depending on its owner. But in those moments that I tracked my own smirk and felt it in my own body, I knew something about my father.

I knew something about him that nobody else did.

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Leah Subar is a dance/movement therapist in Jerusalem and Petach Tikva, offering one-on-one consultations and ExploreMovement workshops. Leah helps women get back their ZEST by engaging the transformative power of emotions and body experience. Join her list and receive a monthly post about living at your emotional best: leahsubar@gmail.com

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This blog post was curated and/or edited by The Ardent Reader, Esther Hofknecht Curtis, BSOL, MSM-HCA. The views expressed in this blog post are those of the guest blogger. Visit Esther's page at www.parrotcontent.com for more information.

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

In Spirit, Still Here by Gwen Guerke (Guest Blogger)

No one who’s had a long, solid, rewarding friendship since they we were seven or eight years old ever thinks about the absence of that friend, the funeral, the memories, the ache of absence... until death changes the landscape. Sharon and I were friends for more than 60 years. Neither of us could pinpoint where that bond started developing, but we believed it was when we were both in Brownies in the late 1950s. We know we weren’t in the same elementary school classes; we grew up in a Mayberry-esque town. Probably this friendship began at a little Girl Scout day camp on the lake. Believe it or not, it was called Camp We Love It. Really! We were so naΓ―ve – and evidently so were the adults – that we never snickered at the name until decades later. After our paths crossed making crafts and some-mores, our parents must have realized that Sharon’s home was a block away from my paternal grandparents, so I could ride my bike to their house and go down the street to hers. This friendship thrived and survived through adolescence and high school, and we shared all the angst of proms, not going to homecoming dances, babysitting, silly crushes on unsuspecting boys, the agony of gym class for the less than athletic girls that we were. But there were plenty of laughs and good times; Sharon had a car. I didn’t. She also had access to a family beach cottage, and generously invited friends for new adventures. Fast forward, and we grew up, went to separate colleges, married – she was a bridesmaid in my wedding, had children. I divorced. My oldest son, her godchild, died of leukemia. Through whatever life tossed us, our friendship flourished even though as adults there were things we didn’t share: I enjoyed running and yoga and going to the gym. She didn’t. She was a very devout Christian. I am a prayer warrior in my own way. We had friends in common, as well as friends separately. We are still friends, only she is in heaven or wherever souls go after they leave this earth. I had almost a year to come to terms with her eventual dying from pancreatic cancer. She texted me to come to the hospital emergency room immediately after she was diagnosed, just before she was transported to another medical center. I knew she had been sick, but who would have thought pancreatic cancer? Not even the doctors she had consulted prior. What follows is somewhat predictable: chemo, weight loss, pain, fear, anger, an urgency to make memories. She set goals and remarkably achieved them, until February when she knew the chemo was no longer working and the tumor was winning the race. When she stopped those treatments, as they are called, she thought she had a couple of months to live, but it was only a couple of weeks. As she was dying, she took time to plan every last detail of her funeral service, an Episcopalian mass. She asked me to present not a eulogy, but her final thoughts thanking her co-workers, friends, family for contributing to the quality of life. Neither her husband nor her children knew what was going on until I stepped up to the lectern and delivered her message. No one, I believe, ever thinks they will be honored this way. I sat by her bedside as she told me what she wanted to say. She had mentally categorized her thoughts. I wrote a rough draft, then came back a couple of days later to read it to her. It wasn’t exactly what she had in mind because I had inserted some editorial comments about what a great person she was. A few days later, as she was obviously declining and aware of that, I read her the revised version. Much better, but she had written an introductory anecdote she wanted to add. When I came back to review the final draft, she was very, very weak, but she had the energy to declare it “perfect.” Two days later she was gone.
At her funeral, a packed congregation plus about 100 people in the overflow room, hung on to every word as I shared her thoughts. There was some levity, but every time I looked out someone was wiping away tears. And when I sat down, I thought I have to tell Sharon – that it went well, who was there, and I had questions for her too. I guess the point of this is that we never know what we can do until we have to, and that friendship and love and gratitude are eternal. Death has no hold. Love prevails.

Friday, May 18, 2018

Strictly Personal! Self-Serving Altruism by Robert Eggleton (Guest Blogger)

Thanks, Esther, for inviting me to share my motivation for writing Rarity from the Hollow, an adult social science fiction adventure that raises funds to help abused children. An oxymoron ignited when I was a child, I blame my mother for everything – my lifetime of low wages working for nonprofit agencies, fifty-two years paying into the Social Security fund that now keeps me so poor that I’ll never have to pay income taxes again, and for making me write a debut novel many years after her death – self-serving altruism lives on, blessed to be a blessing, an enduring love.

My mother was one of those women who would share the little that we had with perfect strangers: eggs and coffee to hobos riding the trains, commodity peanut butter on homemade biscuits for hungry kids in the neighborhood. A good man deep down inside, my father returned from WWII damaged: severe PTSD, night terrors, and anger outbursts exasperated by alcoholism. Despite rotting teeth and in refusal of the role of downtrodden victim, my mother’s glow was infectious, a satisfaction from helping others that some never achieve in life, and a gift that sunk into me as I matured.

I started working as a child to help feed our family, sometimes dismayed when my mother would share the gains with others. For example, I cleaned the back alley of a grocery store and was paid in dented and unlabeled canned goods, and boxes of dry good too crushed to sell off the shelf. My first minimum was job was at age 12. I kept my mouth shut and watched my mother perform her magic, knowing that someday I would understand.

That day came during my youth. At age 15 or so, I had become increasingly active in social justice issues: civil rights and anti-war protests. Inspired by my mother’s unconditional respect for always doing the right things in life, music with a message, and the times during the tumultuous ‘60s in America, I camped at a tent city when a traditionally Black neighborhood was to be demolished for interstate construction and was kicked out of high school for unauthorized distribution of youth organizing anti-war literature. Before I was old enough to be drafted into the Army, I volunteered to be trained by students from Antioch College in Draft Counseling and worked at our local Legal Aid Society office in that field. I also volunteered at two walk-in drug counseling programs, mostly talking down kids who were experiencing bad acid trips. I became hooked on self-serving altruism just like my mother had exhibited. It finally all made sense.

I went to summer school in high school to get my last credit and enrolled at WV State College, a traditionally Black institution that I believed might be a good fit. At the same time, although idealistic, I was also very practical – my family needed money. After admission, I overheard a professor say that there would always be jobs in the field of child welfare, whether the country was going through good or bad times. My other academic subjects were not particularly strong as public school had always been mostly a place where I dissociated from my own traumas related to domestic violence, or where I organized other kids to fight for social justice, instead of a place that I valued learning. So, I checked out becoming a social work major. I was awarded a Master’s Degree in 1977 and have served as a children’s advocate for over forty years.

Now looking back as a 68 year old debut novelist, early adversities in my life have enhanced my overall quality of life. I’m the oldest son of four children. Since there was no money for toys or recreation growing up, we didn’t have a television or car, perhaps to help us all escape a harsh reality, I started writing and sharing short stories to entertain my family, peers, and others in the neighborhood. My stories got better and my audience grew. In the eighth grade I won the school’s short story writing competition and began to dream of getting my family out of poverty by becoming a rich and famous author. I’m still dreaming about that one. (LOL)

After I finished graduate school, all of my jobs included writing nonfiction related to child welfare: service manuals, policy, investigative reports about systems, institutions, and programs; research and statistical reports on child abuse and delinquency… I was passionate about issues that adversely affected child welfare, and it showed in my writing. This was a huge personal weakness that I’ve worked hard to overcome in my nonfiction and my gains have helped my fiction, as well.

Over the years, I can’t remember a day that I didn’t take work home with me, emotionally. For example, many tears were shed when writing an investigative report for the West Virginia Supreme Court: “Daniel’s Death, West Virginia’s First Child Maltreatment Fatality Report.” I had to write that report at home because I didn’t want to become a mess at work where everybody was dressed up as emotionally-detached professionals. My state established its first child fatality review process, in large part, as a result of this report. I was appointed by the State Medical Examiner to our first child fatality review team. Emotionally difficult and vigorous editing of my work, caused me to become a better and more experienced writer in control of my own emotions. Much of my nonfiction is now archived by the West Virginia Division of Culture and History. 

In 2002, I accepted a job as a psychotherapist at our local mental health center in a children’s day program. Many of the children were victims of child abuse, some had been sexually abused. (Yes, I also earned that clinical license.) It was an emotionally draining job, but I only cried one time at work during the next thirteen years. During an individual therapy session, a twelve year old disclosed how her mother had sold her and then detailed what had happened to her that summer before she was rescued. Every evening at home, I replayed the children’s stories in my head. 

While exhaustive at times, being a psychotherapist was also my first professional job that didn’t include the production of written materials. My need to write was unmet and began to gnaw on me. I’m not sure that I would have returned to fiction had I not felt compelled to accept this job, and if I had not met a very special eleven year old with stringy brown hair during a group psychotherapy session. In 2006, I met the real-life Lacy Dawn, the protagonist of my stories. She was an empowered survivor of extreme child abuse who spoke about her hopes and dreams for a bright future – finding a loving family that would protect her forever. I was inspired and my need to write was peaking, so I returned to writing fiction. The Lacy Dawn Adventures project was born and Rarity from the Hollow is the first full-length adventure.

Over the years, my feelings that something much more needed to be done to help maltreated children grew and grew. The United States has one of the worst records among industrialized nations in protecting kids – losing an average of between four and seven children every day due to child abuse and neglect. (Link to http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/acestudy/#1) All of the tears in the world, however, will do little to help needful children.

I established realistic goals for the Rarity from the Hollow project: (1) to sensitize readers to the huge social problem of child maltreatment and, 2) raise some money to help a wonderful nonprofit agency where I worked in the early ‘80s, http://www.childhswv.org/. I was the Director of Emergency Children’s Shelters. Half of author proceeds from this project are donated. These goals make me feel good about myself, a self-serving altruism.

Okay, okay, call it ego, but I wanted something more out of my debut novel. Probably as a psychological defense, I tried to convince myself that it was a fundraising strategy. I wanted my novel to be fun to read. Based on my experience raising money for small nonprofit agencies, I knew that benefactors wanted to have fun during functions, such as dinners or auctions, and not focus on depressing issues. That’s how they remain active, having fun, not just because of their heartfelt convictions.   

I was motivated to write something very different than a straight exposΓ© or a memoir on child victimization. Maybe I did: “It is funny and irreverent but beneath the hallucinatory story of visits to shopping planets and interstellar shopping games, there is a profound critique of social problems, substance abuse, child sexual abuse and child murder that is quite eye opening… Rarity from the Hollow is very, very good… I’d recommend Rarity From the Hollow to anybody who likes a side helping of the lunatic with their science fiction and fantasy.

“…a hillbilly version of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, only instead of the earth being destroyed to make way for a hyperspace bypass, Lacy Dawn must… The author has managed to do what I would have thought impossible; taken serious subjects like poverty, ignorance, abuse, and written about them with tongue-in-cheek humor without trivializing them… Eggleton sucks you into the Hollow, dunks you in the creek, rolls you in the mud, and splays you in the sun to dry off. Tucked between the folds of humor are some profound observations on human nature and modern society that you have to read to appreciate…it’s a funny book that most sci-fi fans will thoroughly enjoy.” – Awesome Indies Gold Medal

“Full of cranky characters and crazy situations, Rarity From the Hollow sneaks up you and, before you know it, you are either laughing like crazy or crying in despair, but the one thing you won’t be is unmoved… Robert Eggleton is a brilliant writer whose work is better read on several levels. I appreciated this story on all of them.” - Readers’ Favorite Gold Medal

I was also motivated to write something that outlived me. Maybe I did: “Brilliant satires such as this are genius works of literature in the same class as Orwell’s Animal Farm. I can picture American Lit professors sometime in the distant future placing this masterpiece on their reading list.”

There are a lot of book reviews on Amazon, most of them glowing, if someone wants to check them out.

I remain motivated to promote this project.

Thanks, again, Esther, for providing this opportunity to tell your readers about the Rarity from the Hollow project.

I have benefitted more that I could ever explain by concern for and my actions on behalf of maltreated kids. I am forever grateful that I learned about self-serving altruism from my mother and I hope that your readers benefit from me having shared my perspective.

Here’s the link to a very cool video that was donated to the project.

Anything the anyone can do to promote Rarity from the Hollow would be appreciated, and it just might make you feel good if you do:


“And, in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make” The Beatles, Abbey Road

Sunday, May 13, 2018

5 Positive Things Resilient Moms Should Tell Their Children After Divorce by Antoinette Capri (Guest Blogger)

Congratulations!

You made it.
You're finally finished with the paperwork, parent classes, hard decisions and fees.
You've received your final divorce decree.

You’re a resilient mom!

Now what?
What do you do when the fight for your freedom is over?

Get clear!

Clear your head and your spirit.  Grow in your understanding and your truth. Get clear with yourself and with your children.

When I say get clear with yourself, I mean practice self-care.
Self-care that encourages you.
Self-care that inspires you.
Self-care that makes sure you’re moving FORWARD!

For example, Ask yourself questions such as:
"What do I really like to do?"
"What are my true desires?"
"Where do I want to be in the next 3 years?"
"Am I as healthy as I need to be?"
"What inspires me?"

Now… record your answers in a journal.

Afterwards, it's time to concern yourself with the stability of your children.

Resilient Moms understand that divorce can be very tricky.

It can make you feel as free as a bird and yet, as broken as shattered glass.

So, if divorce makes YOU feel like this, don't you think there is a strong possibility that your children feel the same way?

Just in case they do:

Here are 5 positive things resilient moms should tell their children after divorce:

1. It's not your fault.
Your children should know that there was nothing that they could have done better or different to change the outcome of the divorce. It was a decision made by the parents and is the responsibility of the parents, not the children.

2. Life has constant changes.
Change happens every day. Some change is good, some change is bad. The best way to handle change is by telling yourself the truth and being prepared for anything to happen. Being prepared means to practice ways to turn negative situations into positive outcomes. For example, the weather changes daily, so we keep an umbrella close… just in case it rains. That’s being prepared. So, in life, do the same thing.

3. You matter!
Your children should know how important they are to the family and to their purpose. They need to feel as though their thoughts, feelings and ideas are valued.  Show them how important they are by allowing them to share heart-felt feelings with you, while you share your unbiased feelings with them. Sharing is caring & healthy growth in your relationships.

4. You are loved!
Don’t just tell them you love them - SHOW IT!  Be generous with your affection toward your children, so they feel your love hasn't gone away with the divorce. I believe when we’re free from the pressures of the divorce, we’re also free to love in a deeper, stronger way with the children.

5. Live on Purpose
Let your children know that their life was given for a purpose and only they can learn what that purpose will be. Your divorce doesn’t change their ability to grow, love, and create new things for this world. Let them know that many changes will happen during their lifetime, but what counts is how they grow from each experience.

Overall, heart-felt communication is key to maintaining a healthy, strong & creative relationship with yourself and your children. Divorce can be either a painful experience or a life lesson. If you’re a resilient mom, you learn to make the most out of every difficult situation. Therefore, I believe, every difficult situation that is presented to you in life comes to build character, creativity and courage.

Live Resilient!!

Did you like this? Want me to answer something personally?  Feel free to send questions to ac@antoinettecapri.com or visit www.antoinettecapri.com

Antoinette Capri (also known as Ms. Nikki) is a local author, emotional resilience expert, and founder of Caprii Communications. She hosts public workshops and private sessions on resilience throughout Delaware, Maryland, Pennsylvania, and Virginia.

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This blog post was curated and/or edited by The Ardent Reader, Esther Hofknecht Curtis, BSOL, MSM-HCA. The views expressed in this blog post are those of the guest blogger. Visit her page at www.parrotcontent.com for more information.

Thursday, May 3, 2018

Coincidence... or not? by Stephanie "Honey" Young (Guest Blogger)

My husband Joe passed away in 2014. Shortly thereafter, I had a string of unusual occurrences. At least two had witnesses or photographic proof.

The first one happened the day I returned to work after his funeral. Joe had given me an iHome speaker/charger for my desk in 2008. I charged my iPod almost every day, and in the six years it sat there, it never turned on by itself.

About 10:30 as I was sitting at my desk, it suddenly started playing a song from my iPod. I jumped and hit the off button.

One of my coworkers made a comment about the volume, and I went into their office to say something when the iHome started playing the same song again at maximum volume. Running back into my office, I slammed the off button again. The iHome remained silent for about an hour. Later, while I was in another coworker’s office, the iHome turned itself on and off twice in rapid succession.

It wasn’t until the next day or so when I went to show someone the recent playlist in the iPod that I realized the series of coincidences that had to have occurred.

Although it had played four times, the song wasn’t in the recent playlist.

The song wasn’t “open” (i.e. currently playing) when I checked the iPod.

Whatever caused the iPod and iHome to turn on and off didn’t affect any of the lights, computers, or other equipment in any of the offices.

Although I had more than a thousand songs on my iPod, it played the same one all four times.

The song was Judy Collins’ Both Sides Now. 

The second series of coincidences took place within a few weeks after the first. I’ll digress a bit, but it will make sense as you read on.

My husband and I liked to drink Sobe Lifewater and text each other the saying underneath the cap; such as "Sobe yourself" or "Love me some lizard." About a year before his death, Sam’s Club stopped carrying Sobe, so we didn’t drink it unless we found it on sale at a grocery store.

I keep my slippers under the corner of the bed when I’m not wearing them. On that Saturday morning, the week after his service, I got up to let my dog out and only my slippers were under the bed.

After I let the dog back in, I spent a minute in the bathroom before I decided to go back to bed. Where my slippers had been, there was an empty Sobe Lifewater bottle with the cap sitting right next to it.

Of the ten or twelve flavors available, it was my husband’s favorite.

It's possible my husband bought it a couple of weeks before he went into the hospital for the last time, but in that case the empty bottle had to have been sitting for over two months somewhere that my dog Bella could get to it. She loves to chew plastic bottles so it’s unusual that she didn’t see it earlier or that I didn’t find it on the floor while cleaning.

Normally when Bella gets a cap off of a bottle, it looks like a blob of well-chewed gum. In this case, the bottle top was nearly pristine with only one tooth mark in it, making it appear that she had succeeded in unscrewing it.

After I found the cap, I’ve checked the internet. Although a number of people have posted lists of the sayings, pictures of Sobe caps, and written articles about the messages in them, I can’t find one that mentioned the phrase in the cap.


The final coincidence? The cap said “MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY”.




















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This blog post was curated and/or edited by The Ardent Reader, Esther Hofknecht Curtis, BSOL, MSM-HCA. The views expressed in this blog post are those of the guest blogger. Visit www.parrotcontent.com for more information.

Tuesday, May 1, 2018

We do recover by Kristen Hughes (Guest Blogger)

Hi! My name is Kristen and I am an addict.


I grew up in a small town in a small state. I had two parents who loved me and are still married to each other today. I had two brothers who teased the crap out of me – but were ready to fight if someone made me cry. I had everything you could imagine. We lived in a nice house. I went to church. I was a majorette. I studied ballet, tap, and jazz. I was in all of the community plays and at any moment, you could find me breaking out into a song or dance. I was on the honor roll every year in school. I had a lot of friends. I was THAT kid.

I don’t remember the first time I took a drink. All I know is that I was young. It was innocent – sips of my mom’s wine coolers, another sip of beer here or there. I liked the taste and I knew I wanted more. I can’t tell you when it started, but the binge drinking was in full effect once I hit my senior year in high school. I was a party girl. I liked to have fun. I loved being the center of attention and I would get drunk until I would pass out. I don’t remember anyone ever telling me that my drinking was too much. Maybe they did and I just didn’t listen. Because all I knew was that when I was drunk, I made people laugh. I was free.

I graduated high school and went off to a local university. Nothing changed when I went away, except the drinking was more accessible and more excessive. Soon enough, drugs entered the picture. It started with weed and cocaine, along with the drinking. Again – not once do I remember anyone showing concern for what I was doing. I am still wondering how I hid it so well. Looking back, my life was spiraling, but I never stopped.
Somehow, through it all, I managed to graduate and get a job. A great job. Doing what I absolutely love. I still drank and used drugs on weekends, and I’d have a crazy weeknight binge every so often. I was living a double life. I had a group of friends that knew nothing of my drug use. And I had a group of friends that only knew me as the party girl. I was able to maintain that lifestyle for a while. Yes, I had periods where I would get out of control – but always managed to get back on track - until I found heroin.
You see, I was tired of cocaine. I didn’t like the way it made me feel. I hated the paranoia, and the “upper” effect. I wanted something different, and heroin was my answer. I was 26 the first time I used heroin. Twenty six. I was a college grad. I had my own apartment. I had a great career. I had family that loved me. Friends who cared about me. I knew better – right? That’s where addiction gets you. You think it’s harmless. A few nights here and there quickly turned into a dependence like I had never experienced. When I couldn’t score I found myself sick. More sick than I had ever been. An ache so deep within my bones. I had no idea what was happening to me. My boyfriend at the time was the one who told me I was in withdrawal. All I knew was that I needed one more. I needed to get right. That was the end of my freedom as I knew it. I became a slave to the drug.
I could go into the graphic details of my drug use. I could tell you all the horrible things I did and the horrible places I went. I could explain to you how I lied, stole, and degraded myself in every way possible just to get “one more.”  I could tell you how my father found me unresponsive in a pool of blood and vomit with a needle still in my arm. I could tell you how I was in a coma, and how at the age of 27 I had to get a pacemaker because my heart suffered so much. I can tell you that even after going away to treatment, I used again. And continued to use. And every day I was killing myself.
I knew I was dying. I knew I had to get clean. But using drugs goes beyond the physical addiction. It’s a mental hold on you that is so strong. I reached out one last time for help. I called my mom. I told her I wanted to go to detox. I told her to pick me up in three hours because I had to get high one more time. Just once more. I went to detox in August of 2007. That decision saved my life. Like I said earlier, I knew I was dying, I just didn’t know how serious my condition was. The pacemaker they put in after my overdose had become infected from continued drug use, and it was - quite literally - killing me. Had I not made the decision to go to detox when I did, my doctor said I would have died.
I stayed clean for a little while. I started attending a 12 step fellowship. Life started getting good again. My family slowly trusted me. I started to find friends who shared the same recovery goals that I had. I survived the most deadly part of my addiction. But even through all of that, I used again.
My clean date is February 25, 2008. I just celebrated 10 years of recovery.
Here is where I hope you listen, and listen closely. Once you put a drug in you – it’s Russian Roulette. No one is exempt. No one. No one knows at what point they will become an addict. The reality is, I have always been an addict. It wasn’t until it manifested itself in the form of drugs that I realized it. And I am grateful. The disease of addiction has many faces. My disease has manifested itself in the form of drugs, shopping, eating, sex, gambling, exercise, lying, fantasy, and the list goes on.
But I have hope today. Today I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a wife. I am a mother. I am an aunt. I am a teacher. I am a friend. And I am an addict.
Thanks for letting me share.

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This blog post was curated and/or edited by The Ardent Reader, Esther Hofknecht Curtis, BSOL, MSM-HCA. The views expressed in this blog post are those of the guest blogger. Visit www.parrotcontent.com for more information.

Monday, April 30, 2018

Tomorrow, the adventure begins.

I am so excited to present to you, beginning tomorrow, May 1, my guest blog project.

Each day, you’ll find a new blog post from a featured author who may be your neighbor or a bestselling author. They may live on the other side of the world or right down the road. I’m so pleased to be the window through which you’ll get your view of their work.

Some authors have never told their own stories. Some haven't put pen to paper since high school. Nevertheless, their stories are beautiful, unique, and important. In some cases, you’ll learn something completely new.

I hope you’ll come back every day in May to read these fantastic blog posts. I’m so proud to present them to you.

Much love,

Esther Curtis
The Ardent Reader
www.parrotcontent.com

Monday, March 5, 2018

A word (or two) on parenting.

As a parent, I'm dedicated to raising my kids with all the love and patience I can summon. If you're a parent, you probably know some days are harder than others. At the end of the day, if the kids are safe, well-fed, and healthy, I consider it a win.

My goal for my kids is to build in them the skill sets they need to go forward in life when they're 18 years old. I expect my kids to move out, go to college, or get a job. I expect them to become productive citizens and care about one another. I expect them to build the future when I'm no longer around to do it.

As other influences (good and bad) come and go, I am dedicated to remaining aggressive about their learning. My kids do chores, have responsibilities, and know what I expect of them. They know how I'm going to react when they display poor judgment or act like entitled little brats. I try to be consistent, if nothing else.

Whether my kids become rocket scientists or custodians, they're going to need to know how to read and comprehend language, cook a meal, do their laundry, shop sensibly, be accountable for their actions, learn good habits, be affectionate and compassionate, respect others, give back to their community, and learn. These are the things I am seeking to teach them while I have their relatively undivided attention.

Am I always going to be perfect? No.

Am I always trying to be better? Yes.

Am I expecting to be my child's best friend? No. And that is why I will succeed.

In return for all of my hard work, I have inexhaustible motivation to be a better person for my kids.

πŸ’–πŸ’–

Monday, February 12, 2018

Book 184: From Here to Eternity: Traveling the World to Find the Good Death by Caitlin Doughty (Audiobook)

Ever since I read her first book, Smoke Gets in Your Eyes, I've been fascinated with Caitlin Doughty's writing style and ability to both be respectful and poke fun at aspects of death at the very same time. For many years, Doughty - herself an undertaker - has been an advocate for respectful, interactive funeral arrangements and more family involvement in the American death experience as a way for us to mourn and remain connected with our loved ones long after they have gone.

From Here to Eternity: Traveling the World to Find the Good Death is one of the more interesting books I've read on the topic of death. In it, Doughty details her travels to learn about death traditions and how families care for their dead. She traveled to a remote island in Indonesia, where the beloved dead are mummified and kept in the family home for years after they've expired. In Colorado, she found a group that uses a mobile funeral pyre to burn a person's body down to ashes in front of his or her loved ones. In Bolivia, she found shrines full of skulls which bless the communities in which they reside. In Japan, she found a corpse hotel which infused technology and death traditions to create posthumous experiences for both the dead and their families.

In this book, Doughty shows us the American death tradition is just as weird as any other. I've long disliked the look of an embalmed body, so I've opted for cremation when my time comes. In fact, I even have a plan that both my kids know by heart: I want them to use whatever money I have to take a trip together and to scatter my in a beautiful part of the world I've never visited. (A little pinch will do - they don't have to fly an entire urn out to Africa and dump it.) Until I read Doughty's books I didn't realized I had an option as to how I'll be cremated. I could be burned on a funeral pyre or the kids could push the button to start the cremation process. There's something to be said for closure and being part of the final arrangements. It's about letting go in a way that's respectful, intimate, and personal.

I hope you'll pick up this book (read Smoke Gets in Your Eyes first) and love it as much as I did. Your skin might crawl a bit, but you'll learn a lot, too. Buy it here. 

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Book 172: The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband by David Finch (Audiobook read by the Author)

In his memoir The Journal of Best Practices, author David Finch gives his readers a firsthand account of someone who struggled for years to understand himself, his quirks, and how these quirks impact those around him. Finch's story of self-realization began when his wife Kristen walked him through a test to determine if he could have Asperger Syndrome. After all signs pointed to "yes," he decided to get an official diagnosis.

In this book, Finch described his life before and after his diagnosis. At the time of his diagnosis, he felt his marriage was failing and that he was losing not just his wife but his best friend. His diagnosis made him better understand he wasn't just an asshole, but he was a person who acted a certain way because of a condition. Finch took notes in his notebook to give himself prompts to improve his behavior and his relationship with his [sainted] wife and his kids, hence the title The Journal of Best Practices. Whenever he learned something new about himself or about his wife and kids, he wrote it down. He developed a new awareness of his own behaviors, his wife's patience and understanding, and how his Asperger Syndrome was impacting his children. People with Asperger's are not known for their introspective abilities, and Finch's wife Kristen was responsible in a large part for helping him discover himself.

If you've ever known or lived with someone who has Asperger's, you might want to pick up this book to better understand that person. If you suspect someone has Asperger's and isn't aware of it, you might also want to share this book with them.

My friend Honey sent me a copy of this book from Audible, which I was able to listen to for free. The audio version of the book was read by the author, which really brought the whole thing home for me. I would definitely recommend it.

πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–